I have been wanting to elaborate what I wrote before about death but I found that it's a topic that I would keep rewriting and wouldn't find the perfect way of saying it. What people might misconceived from me are probably caused by two things. First, the word "death" and "suicide" have somehow deteriorated in meanings, people have been too often use the words for jokes. So they think I am joking. Second, they might think I just lack the spirit to live or simply doesn't have the courage and energy for it.
Ezio Bozzo - Clouds, the Mind on the (Re) Wind
It was early in the morning when the sun rises, I was actually extremely sleepy cause I only got two hours of sleep the day before the flight. But that morning I saw a mountain sinking down under the sea of clouds. Then it slowly emerged forming a range of mountains with the stream of clouds floating around. I saw the greenery land around complete with rivers winding down the valley.
See, I've always think that atheist is the most arrogant in the caste of human being. Look around at all the natural creations and you do not need much proof that there is a certain kind of deity behind all the non artificial ecosystem and biological mechanism. Seeing this kind of views, you can't help but contrasting with how corrupted human being is and how painful and suffocating life could be here on the same land as where the mountains proudly stand. What's in my mind that morning is this: if such greatness of fascinating beauty exists here on this corrupted earth, imagine how immensely beautiful heaven would be.
I wrote about how death was once seen as an escape in the era where great suffering hit the majority number of population, when there was human genocide, poverty, hunger, war. The problem with me is, I don't see much different between that era and today's modern world. Does happiness exist in this world? Yes. Is kindness still there in the heart of human being? Yes. Does miracle happen? Yes. I don't deny any of it. But we can't escape the fact that we're in a wicked cycle of suffering and pain. Low self esteem, broken relationships, unstable finances, self destructive addiction, physical sickness, what else? It'll always there whatever it is.
So do I still treasure happiness? Yes, there are still a lot of things I want to experience and places in this world I want to see. But do I believe that there's something absolutely greater and worth to treasure than this life in this place? No doubt.
