not having serious intention to continue the tradition, somehow i did manage to go to a temple on the first morning of the year. it's been the third consecutive year now. i did have the plan to travel a new country at the end of the year with some friends but we didn't manage because of some reasons. i certainly didn't think i could afford to go anywhere since i was moving which caused me a lot of money and time. but somehow i had the impulsive (but well calculated) idea to buy tickets and fly to singapore. i had an 'epiphany' d minus three days, and bought the tickets the day after. it was of course impulsive but in my head it fit my calculation and scenario. i guess it's how i navigate my life in general. i still have difficulty making plans way ahead of time. mostly because my days are irregular and i have no idea how the next day or month would look like.
anyway. i lived in singapore exactly ten years ago. stayed around five to six months for an internship. it's definitely a memorable period of my life, as it was my first time living and working abroad. i had revisited the country several times since. and i realize that each time i visit, my tendency is always to revisit places i used to spend time at when i lived here, rather than to check out new places. if you know singapore, there are plenty of new must-go places which haven't existed ten years ago. but somehow i never really have the urge to go to those places. the boring looking hdb housing complex in hougang gives me more meaning than the marina bay sands. the mrt rides reminds me of how tiring it could be riding it on daily basis to go to work. certain corner of certain street rolled frames in my head playing the scenes of weekend routines i used to do there with a certain someone.
on my very first trip after i left ten years ago, the purpose of revisiting the nostalgic mundane places was to wonder whether i still have any leftover feeling or nostalgia towards my ex who i was dating when i lived there. i found the answer. but on my last trip, this one, it was more like a visit to my memory. it has been so long that it surprised me how i still remember a lot of things. revisiting the mundane places evoked certain memories which i didn't know still exist there in the corner of my brain. and with it comes certain emotional feelings. i showered myself with nostalgia. it made me think and see how far i have been through in ten years. how i'm still the same person, and at the same time a completely different one.
there's one certain spot i always visit if i go to singapore. it was a particular alley in esplanade, between the main entrance foyer and the other foyer (lounge) where they usually held free concert. there are several small stores line up. there had always been a particular scent if i walk through the alley. i didn't know which store it came from, i never actually care to find out. but that scent has always been the scent that defined singapore to me. and i was really sad when i walked there this time and the scent was no longer there. it's like a certain part of memories finally dies down with it.
despite of whether it's about the place or about a particular person, it makes me wonder whether this is actually what memory is for. to be revisited some time in the future. as something that gives you certain emotional feelings, whether it's joy or sadness. and as something that you can tell stories about.
