i came to this film expecting a usual coming of age film about a frustrated teenager trying to find his way. the pace is incredibly slow, i didn't watch it in one sitting to be honest. but somewhere along the way i realized i was seeing myself on the screen. what often happened when i watch a film is probably finding characters i can relate to, or characters i would want to be, but in this one, it's like being able to see myself from the perspective of an outsider, as someone who has finally outgrown the darkest and deepest frustration.
films about struggling individuals usually portray the protagonists with strong moral compass for the audience to sympathize. the main character bombarded by the evil things in life still stands strong being the good person he/she is. in reality, most of the time that's not the case. those evil things in life will suck out so much good of you and planted in you the seed of anger and resentment. this is why this particular film speaks to me so profoundly.
here's the thing. as we get older, i think we often see the problems of teenagers as somewhat less significant, as small things, a phase which will eventually pass, especially compared to adults' problems. but this film reminds me how much more significant a frustration in a teenage life actually is. when you're a kid, the safety net to your problems is your family. by default you have a shelter that shield you from the cruel outside world. but when the cruelest of all is actually your own family, with what are you going to shield yourself with? when the people that brought you to existence, that supposed to provide for you turns out to be the people that rob you, that demand so much from you, how are you going to cope? you're lost. at such early age you're lost.
as you grow older, you finally found your own strength, your own independence. free. completely? maybe not, maybe never. for a long time you'd think many things are wrong with yourself. the world convinced you that you're damaged. all these frustration and anger and desperation become the fuel that shaped your character, become the basis on how you navigate through life. it might seems to be okay finally but you'll carry the resentment with you always, like an incurable cancer.
another thing i should note is that this film shows what my therapist told me once, people who went through same circumstances could cope with different mechanism and came out to be totally different type of persons. also, i love how the director chose to close the film in the end. i found myself telling the protagonist, "you're gonna be okay".
