#9 a parallel story

drowning in joy, feeling high while I'm drifting below

I want more of this joy 'til my cheeks turn all flushed and the flesh felt by hands,

felt by hearts becomes pounding in red

while the scent of something fresh and warm lingers on

- Torun Eriksen

11pm, one wednesday in the twelfth month, you were at my door. Standing there in the black sweat shirt, my favorite of you, and I could feel you feeling nervous. My hand was shaking the moment you handed me the grey envelop.

I don't know when it started or when it ended. From the coffee at the vietnamese to the tea at the treehouse, and all the midnight rides in between. From the day you said you like me to the day you said you're getting married, and all the stories we shared in between. From the moment you said you want to hold my hand to the moment I finally said I wanna hold yours, and all the regretted resistance in between.

Now what's left on me is a grey envelop, a proof that you were once existed, a fantasy that were once there, running parallel with my reality. A muse, an escape, a good feeling, a forgotten memory.

#8 the man with green piaggio (i)

on my last night on earth, i won't look to the sky,

just breathe in the air, and blink in the light.

- Noah and the Whale

From across the street down the bridge I could already spot the old man. Usually with his white shirt and blue jeans, sat by his old green piaggio parked by a tree, smoked a cigarette, read a newspaper. Soon as he saw me he would smile, folded his paper, took off his glasses. He would drive me and drop me off the pizza restaurant at the corner of the street. In a less then five minutes ride we would have a conversation although from the back seat I could barely hear what he said.

Out of billions of life that happen parallel to ours, only a few that happens to intersect with ours. Since three years ago, mine intersected his every Saturday mornings by a green piaggio.

But one day he's not there. One Saturday to another, he's not there anymore. I thought he might be dead. I had no idea what kind of life he' been living beside his old green piaggio. I didn't even know his name.

Until last Saturday, months after I last saw him. He's there. He said he was staying with his son, out of island. He couldn't stand not doing anything but rest. So he came back here to his green piaggio. There he told me, a fragment of a life lived by a man whose path happens to cross mine. And he told me his name.

#7 solitaire mystery

Soon the morning will arrive, can I begin another day..

- Charlotte Gainsbourg

What else is a human being but of breath and blood, in flesh and bones, fraction of the universe created to fall on the same law as the bird and the tree. The air sustains the lungs, the water floods the veins.

Spread the arms, embrace an existence. See the flower blooms, hear the mountain whispers. Of no memories, with no one follows.

#6 norwegian sun

Well I've said I've sailed the frozen corners of the dark Atlantic Sea

And I drifted on the waves and the mirage beneath

And never have I felt such numb and pointless searchin' true

As when I set my eyes and torched the plans on the mark of you

- The Tallest Man On Earth

It was always in the evening when the sun's getting ready to set that I lost almost all my energy and my willpower to fight. It's when I glanced to the window on my far left and I saw it's getting dark out there, and people were getting ready to leave their desks. There came a great hollowness inside and all the pain of being left alone. No voice you could hear but your own. No one's breathing but yourself.

I only wished the sun never sets, let me see the midnight sun.

#5 leave me with the monkeys

Countless are the roads from here but my heart is nowhere

Take away your easy jokes and leave me with the monkeys

- Sophie Hunger

A rabbit was born in the land of pigs. It's not easy to get along with other rabbit because her body wasn't as fair as the others. Sometimes she would blame her parents but most of the times she just locked herself and hid. Not until she was getting a bit older she started to realized that the pigs weren't as bad as what the rabbits have always been saying. She got to know some pigs and befriended with them. She felt like she fit in. The ugly rabbit found a place among the pigs. But no matter how hard she try she is not a pig and never will be. She will always be a rabbit that is lost. After years and years of struggle on being between the rabbits and the pigs, she has come to conclusion that the feeling of belonging isn't that necessary. So she's now learning to be a bird. They say there are many roads lead to the land of birds, where all the beauty originated. She might be a lost rabbit but she is also a free rabbit. The ugly rabbit trying to find a way to fly.

#4 average joe

Now I can talk, no one gets off

- Two Door Cinema Club

I was unnoticed because I didn't have a face and I didn't make a sound. It's always almost midnight when I would sit down the basement pretending like I was doing something that would change life. Drawing lines stroking colors attempting to proof to the universe my existence. But it was too hard to compromise with something vague. The brisk of the dawn ate me alive.

#3 the vulnerable boy

And I said to her, "I know. My life line is broken. I know I won't live past 30."

- Edie Sedgwick, in Factory Girl

He grabs his chest as if it's hurt. His eyes reflect great sadness. Word by word of pain comes from his mouth. Layer by layer of past sorrows revealed. Hidden stains can now be seen. He lits his last cigarette and his body shivers. The light of the moon can't keep him from being mortal. There are five seconds of complete silence before the sea waves mourn. I hold his body and I weep.

#2 skin to skin

It had never occurred to me that our lives, so closely interwoven, could unravel with such speed. If I'd known, maybe I'd have kept tighter hold of them.

- Kathy H, in Never Let Me Go

Side by side. Arm to arm. I see nothing but empty seats. And you. Break anything but the silence. Count second to second of irresistible physical attraction. Put two and two together, I feel you draw closer to me. Slowly tie your fingers to mine. I let blood rush faster through my veins, dance to my heartbeat. Inch by inch I feel your skin on mine. I close my eyes wishing this will be for ever. But in split second you're gone. If there's one thing I want to ask, it's to feel your presence for just one more time. I need to feel my fingers on your face, oh beautiful skin. I need to know that you were once real.

#1 you hold my sanity

she thinks i think she cannot see me

so she talks to the trees

she comes here looking for me

when she comes here, she talks to the trees

- the cinematics

As I sit I can still feel my body shaking and my knees bleed through my jeans. Scars of how weak a human being I am. They tell me to relax. They tell me not to think. They tell me to rest. They tell me not to worry. They tell me to just let go. But what am I without my thoughts. What am I without my guilt. What am I without my fear. What am I without my rage. What am I without my doubts. What am I without my anxiety. I still hear footsteps behind my back. I know they're chasing after me.

30 days of writing

Back at the end last year, I was invited by a friend to do 30 days of writing. We're supposed to write a blog post every day for 30 days starting from the first of january. I was both excited and pessimistic but never did start. I was still thinking of how it would be different from my regular posts instead of just pushing me to post every single day and numbered them.

So, I decided to make the 30 days thing a challenge for me to write my personal thoughts on various topics which I often had and often wanting to write down but always fail and never did finished. Oh, or I might write up fictions. Haha. I've been receiving comments about how people interpreted my posts and it's kinda funny to know how people judge me. So yeah, I don't know, I might finished this by December anyway. Or maybe never will. We'll see.

I'll start posting up in a few days.