After the years that has passed by, a knife just being stabbed on me. And it broke me to the condition I had never imagined I'd experience. It has brought me to the level of insanity where I couldn't control what I want and want not to think and to say. But the news (I don't know whether it's a good one or a bad one) is that I'm still alive.
With the least of energy I still got, life goes on. And I still came to this jazz performance last week. This time it's a quartet led by Sandy Winarta, one of the few drummer that I admire because of how controlled and stable he is when performing. Still in my mind up until today is their last song titled "I love you". At first I was furious because the tempo was so fast, the drum and the bass was so loud, I thought how can you feel "love" if it's this loud. But then I started to feel my heart beats, faster and faster and I realized that this is how you actually feel it. Then the music slowed down, almost melodious and wavy, you can feel the calmness and the joy of being in love. 
Another one was Noord Nederlanse Dans, a contemporary dance from North Holland. I don't know whether it's because I've been so emotional with everything that happened lately but I must say that this is one of the best dance performance I've ever been to. I never knew you could pour out such greatness of emotion and character and struggle in movement with very least attributes and accessories, but only the tension of the body and dynamic lighting and strong musicality.
At the second part, there was a woman standing face to face so close to a man. They tangled they hands, and with only the waving and gesturing of their hands together, you could see that they were portraying love, and lust. In other part you could feel like you're drowning in pain and sorrow but you still see the beauty in it. I really wished the show was much more than just an hour. I could spend the rest of my life just sit there absorbing the passion of these people transmitted so vividly to the audience. And for once after weeks of living in agony, I felt grateful that I was still alive. Now if only the feeling lasts after the dance's over.
