if there's one thing that 2017 had taught me is that in life it's important not just to be strong but to be adaptive. and it's probably the key to everything. if there's one thing that is certain in life is that things will change. nothing remains forever. and it's your ability to adapt yourself in any kind of situations that will make you survive life.
nothing was certain in my life this year. day by day goes by differently and nothing was going stable for a long run. one day i could wake up with a clear bright mind, the next could be a complete disaster. when i established some routines, they quickly changed beyond my control, so i had to invent another.
i'd like to see this year as a small portion of a bigger picture. it's like a time of pause from a long run to examine the life i've been living in. the time to re-strategize things. the time of going slow to make sure i'll live life the way i want instead of just doing things because everyone else is doing so.
the period around october to november was a turning point. an opportunity showed up and in my strong determination to pursue it despite of clearly knowing that i would fail, which i did, led me to really question everything i had done in my life up until that point. from that moment on i decided to try to drop the old cloak that i've been wearing for more than a decade. and to try to drive my life to a different direction, a little closer to what maybe is what i've been wanting to do. i would probably fail miserably on my way through. but i'd rather be failed trying than living my life in a seemingly comfort zone but maybe has never really been one.
my journey this year was really about focusing on re-finding myself and having peace with it. i tried to understand how the universe really works. how the brain works. how the world works. how love works. most of the times it's a lonely journey. i intentionally shut myself off. i didn't throw myself out there. i lost interest in getting to know new people like i used to. it felt miserable at times. but i know it's something that i have to go through. i was never ever good at being alone for as far as i could remember. but in the process i have to say i'm glad i learnt a lot on how to deal with it. to be comfortable on my own skin. to really not give a fuck of what others think. and in this process i found the freedom of self that really feels liberating. i changed my hair so many times in one year more than i had in the last ten years.
looking back one day it probably would feel like this is the year of no significance. like i didn't do anything remarkable this year. but i know it's gonna be the year i'm grateful for. for the decisions that i made, the guts that i had, and the routes that i chose. :)
