Every time I see someone put "award-winning (insert profession)" on their profile, it gives me an ick. In the field I work on now, lighting design, there's this annual award for lighting designers all over the world in lots of different categories. I first noticed it when my then-boss would always put the award and its logo as his email signature. Awards like this are always by submission, and it was judged only by photos. The thing with lighting design is you really can't judge the quality of the work by photos. Same thing applied to any architecture and interior design works. But especially lighting design because the light on what you see on the photos could be very different than the reality. Also photos are very easily manipulated.
In architecture we can't really judge a building by looking at the photos, sure it could look nice, but what mattered most is the space, how the experience is within the space. And I also always judge by the details and workmanship, something we can't always see from photos. I went to several building built by the most famous architects in the world, and I was always surprised at how different they are from what I perceived from knowing them before from photos. Some of the freakier shape of buildings could turned out to have a very nice flow of space. Some of the prettier building could have the nastiest workmanship and made me feel easily disoriented inside. Some of the nice looking building with good space could be standing out of nowhere having no respect to the its context and surrounding at all.
The thing about awards is that they mostly never are about awarding the bests in the industry, but about marketing. It's not always a bad thing. Awards create buzz and make people talk. But it bothers me when people see awards as a measure of quality. Take the Oscar for example, the most known award out there. It is more a popularity contest than a judgement of quality. If it's for quality, why do the nominees even need to campaign? The works are already there to be judged for their quality. When you see the list of winners and watched the films, it's crystal clear the winners aren't always and most likely aren't the most deserving. Rather than a celebration of talents, it's a marketing tool at best. Awards are there to support the industry.
I once watched a crime documentary and it was so good I looked up the profile of the person who did some kind of psycho-analysis on criminals. On her instagram page she wrote on her profile: award-winning criminal behavioral analyst. Like what do you even mean? You analyse criminal behavior, what would an award have to do with anything? It gives me an ick but it is what it is. In capitalism everything is about marketing and driving engagement. People often notice the loudest but more often than not we have to look at the quieter for better quality.
Update: Here's Damon Albarn talking about how all awards are fucking bullshit that are never fair and therefore shouldn't exist: around minute 18.
Showing posts with label anything. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anything. Show all posts
a small portion of a bigger picture
if there's one thing that 2017 had taught me is that in life it's important not just to be strong but to be adaptive. and it's probably the key to everything. if there's one thing that is certain in life is that things will change. nothing remains forever. and it's your ability to adapt yourself in any kind of situations that will make you survive life.
nothing was certain in my life this year. day by day goes by differently and nothing was going stable for a long run. one day i could wake up with a clear bright mind, the next could be a complete disaster. when i established some routines, they quickly changed beyond my control, so i had to invent another.
i'd like to see this year as a small portion of a bigger picture. it's like a time of pause from a long run to examine the life i've been living in. the time to re-strategize things. the time of going slow to make sure i'll live life the way i want instead of just doing things because everyone else is doing so.
the period around october to november was a turning point. an opportunity showed up and in my strong determination to pursue it despite of clearly knowing that i would fail, which i did, led me to really question everything i had done in my life up until that point. from that moment on i decided to try to drop the old cloak that i've been wearing for more than a decade. and to try to drive my life to a different direction, a little closer to what maybe is what i've been wanting to do. i would probably fail miserably on my way through. but i'd rather be failed trying than living my life in a seemingly comfort zone but maybe has never really been one.
my journey this year was really about focusing on re-finding myself and having peace with it. i tried to understand how the universe really works. how the brain works. how the world works. how love works. most of the times it's a lonely journey. i intentionally shut myself off. i didn't throw myself out there. i lost interest in getting to know new people like i used to. it felt miserable at times. but i know it's something that i have to go through. i was never ever good at being alone for as far as i could remember. but in the process i have to say i'm glad i learnt a lot on how to deal with it. to be comfortable on my own skin. to really not give a fuck of what others think. and in this process i found the freedom of self that really feels liberating. i changed my hair so many times in one year more than i had in the last ten years.
looking back one day it probably would feel like this is the year of no significance. like i didn't do anything remarkable this year. but i know it's gonna be the year i'm grateful for. for the decisions that i made, the guts that i had, and the routes that i chose. :)
nothing was certain in my life this year. day by day goes by differently and nothing was going stable for a long run. one day i could wake up with a clear bright mind, the next could be a complete disaster. when i established some routines, they quickly changed beyond my control, so i had to invent another.
i'd like to see this year as a small portion of a bigger picture. it's like a time of pause from a long run to examine the life i've been living in. the time to re-strategize things. the time of going slow to make sure i'll live life the way i want instead of just doing things because everyone else is doing so.
the period around october to november was a turning point. an opportunity showed up and in my strong determination to pursue it despite of clearly knowing that i would fail, which i did, led me to really question everything i had done in my life up until that point. from that moment on i decided to try to drop the old cloak that i've been wearing for more than a decade. and to try to drive my life to a different direction, a little closer to what maybe is what i've been wanting to do. i would probably fail miserably on my way through. but i'd rather be failed trying than living my life in a seemingly comfort zone but maybe has never really been one.
my journey this year was really about focusing on re-finding myself and having peace with it. i tried to understand how the universe really works. how the brain works. how the world works. how love works. most of the times it's a lonely journey. i intentionally shut myself off. i didn't throw myself out there. i lost interest in getting to know new people like i used to. it felt miserable at times. but i know it's something that i have to go through. i was never ever good at being alone for as far as i could remember. but in the process i have to say i'm glad i learnt a lot on how to deal with it. to be comfortable on my own skin. to really not give a fuck of what others think. and in this process i found the freedom of self that really feels liberating. i changed my hair so many times in one year more than i had in the last ten years.
looking back one day it probably would feel like this is the year of no significance. like i didn't do anything remarkable this year. but i know it's gonna be the year i'm grateful for. for the decisions that i made, the guts that i had, and the routes that i chose. :)
a perilous city
i once wrote about how you could still feel the evidence of new york's past as a perilous city when you go down under its subway system. i stumbled upon these images on the internet and they really fascinate me. it reminds me somehow of the commuter train i used to take to go to campus back in my university day. it was in a real horrendous condition and i had so so many terrible experience riding it. but those trains no longer exist nowadays replaced by all full air-conditioned train that are suitable to transport human being. there are of course still many flaws but it was a very significant improvement from what i used to experience. i keep saying that i do have hope on this city no matter how much conflicts i have with it.
minimalism
i lived a life as a nomad in europe for almost two years, moving in and out four different cities. i will have to write more about it sooner. but all i had with me on that period were just one big suitcase, one small suitcase, and a backpack. then three months ago i moved back to my hometown, to my bedroom, and after just a short while i realized how many things i have and how i've been living for two years without needing any of them and i barely have space for all of them.
another thing that i realized was that for the last three months being back in the city, i've been wearing not more than ten pieces of clothing when i go out everyday, rotating just the same pieces over and over without having much worries. well the point of dressing when you go out are just two things, being comfortable and confident. and if you think about it, it actually doesn't really take that much. (ps. it has to be added the fact that i haven't been going out on dates these days. eeps). and i have to say, i'm pretty much doing well with the simplification i've been doing for more than two years now. what this girl has been doing is admirable tho i don't think i can pull it to that extend even if i want to.
on another note, last december was a disaster. worst month of the whole 2016. i've never been in such low state of mind for years for as long as i remember. then on the very last day of the year, i went on a trip to a friend's hometown. it has a completely different vibe with the city i live in. and somehow being there has taught me how peaceful it is leading a life that is modest, being content with what we have, doesn't matter how much or how little money we make. it made me realized how deeply superficial and capitalistic the life in big cities is.
after barely sleeping, on the very first day of the year we drove to the temple for the first sunrise. and although it wasn't ideally the situation we hoped for, it did provide me some good thoughts and good ideas on how i should really start to clear out my thoughts on regular basis. and start to seek out to straighten out my tangled fucked up head more than anything else.
ps. i don't really talk about the documentary itself, but it pretty much resembles the thoughts i'm trying to convey here.
a dying beaver
some years ago, discussing about what it is to live, someone told me about this story about the beavers. beavers are known as very productive animals. they are known for their natural trait to build dams on streams or rivers. they work with their long teeth which continuously grow so they will not be worn out chewing wood. now up until here the story is factually true. then she continued the story saying that the beavers would die if they don't work because their teeth will keep growing no matter what and they will kill them if they aren't used.
now that last part i'm not sure how true it is. but the story is supposed to be an analogy to what human being is also like. that human being is supposed to be productive. to produce, to create. that to counter depression, whether it's because of psychological trauma or loneliness, what's needed is to produce. creating something out of yourself will generate the joy and appreciation of yourself and therefore increase the contentment of being oneself. my other friend once sent me a comedy video in which one said, "having children is sort of like a way of achieving something without having any talent". which also explains the producing theory, although jokes aside, i'll leave this sensitive subject out of discussion.
iceland as one of the happiest country on earth is a place where everyone creates something. as kjarri from sigur rós once said in an interview, "I think that people just feel the need to create something, painting, writing a book.. which can be annoying sometimes specially, you know, these days, because if you're not doing something, you're nobody. why, you're not writing a book?". same thing is also mentioned by eric weiner, talking about iceland in his book 'the geography of bliss', where the government gives incentives to writers and artists.
sadly, in the world today, we are mostly driven by consumerism rather than productivity. not just consumerism of materials but also of overly excess informations. we have so many options of online entertainment, social media and such, we spend most of our free time indulge in it.
insides
"Nothing in life will call upon us to be more courageous than facing the fact that it ends. But on the other side of heartbreak is wisdom." - from wish i was here
i guess the bright side of every heartbreak is always that you learn again to appreciate yourself more, and learn to love yourself more than you love anyone else. to learn again to tell yourself that you are good enough. which, for me is always a rather hard task, being brought up as a person with a very low self esteem. it takes effort.
one of the records that i keep going back to for that effort these days is insides by the mighty jon hopkins. i remember one day it was late at night in milan and i was in a car with a date driving and we were talking about music from electronic to classical music and we agreed that the best kind of music is the one that takes you somewhere else. and that good music is more than just listening to sounds but about an experience. then he mentioned about trying to create electronic music that is well structured and not just random samplings making cool sounds.
insides to me is a perfect example of a well structured one, like you need to listen to it as a whole album, track by track, and not merely just one or two songs. this writer from sputnik music pretty much sums it all up in a very beautiful writing. i think it's equally beautiful that you're able to write about such good music in such good writing describing everything exactly like how you perceived it. i'm always fascinated with good choices of words and writing. like the way he describes one song as "toying with a false sense of security", now that is a talent i wish i have.
in my much younger years i used to listen to hardcore music to find refuge from the harsh reality of life that i was living. but these days i identify myself with these kind of intellectually well structured music. it has a strong disturbing even claustrophobic sense that somehow stimulates your self confidence but it also has the melancholic sides of the classical melody that reminds you of the softer part of yourself.
so in the effort of finding the wisdom and the constant will of finding my own ground, i will keep in my mind what a friend told me a couple of days ago while pointing his finger right at my face, "you know how much i look up to you. and you have to always remind yourself that you worth more than you think you do."
i guess the bright side of every heartbreak is always that you learn again to appreciate yourself more, and learn to love yourself more than you love anyone else. to learn again to tell yourself that you are good enough. which, for me is always a rather hard task, being brought up as a person with a very low self esteem. it takes effort.
one of the records that i keep going back to for that effort these days is insides by the mighty jon hopkins. i remember one day it was late at night in milan and i was in a car with a date driving and we were talking about music from electronic to classical music and we agreed that the best kind of music is the one that takes you somewhere else. and that good music is more than just listening to sounds but about an experience. then he mentioned about trying to create electronic music that is well structured and not just random samplings making cool sounds.
insides to me is a perfect example of a well structured one, like you need to listen to it as a whole album, track by track, and not merely just one or two songs. this writer from sputnik music pretty much sums it all up in a very beautiful writing. i think it's equally beautiful that you're able to write about such good music in such good writing describing everything exactly like how you perceived it. i'm always fascinated with good choices of words and writing. like the way he describes one song as "toying with a false sense of security", now that is a talent i wish i have.
in my much younger years i used to listen to hardcore music to find refuge from the harsh reality of life that i was living. but these days i identify myself with these kind of intellectually well structured music. it has a strong disturbing even claustrophobic sense that somehow stimulates your self confidence but it also has the melancholic sides of the classical melody that reminds you of the softer part of yourself.
so in the effort of finding the wisdom and the constant will of finding my own ground, i will keep in my mind what a friend told me a couple of days ago while pointing his finger right at my face, "you know how much i look up to you. and you have to always remind yourself that you worth more than you think you do."
inked. (ii)
my second ink experience. done in rome last october. this one was actually planned alongside my first one, and supposed to be my first, but then i always knew i wanted to do it in rome, so i waited.
2014.
"a few decembers ago, when asked about my wishes for the coming year, i remember saying that i had only one: i wanted there to be twists to the story, so that by year's end, the world looked different. that's been my wish every new year since. these past twelve months my world has transformed in unpredictable ways. i hardly recognize it sometimes — but i like to think that's a good sign." - shoko wanger
i don't usually do this kind of year-end reflective cliché thing because for me it's always just as any other day goes by. but these days i've been thinking about the bigger picture. going back ten years,
i don't usually do this kind of year-end reflective cliché thing because for me it's always just as any other day goes by. but these days i've been thinking about the bigger picture. going back ten years,
inked.
so after years of wanting one and deciding what to have, i got myself inked. like seriously inked. several things i'd like to pinpoint:
oh hi there
Been closing the blog for more than a month because of certain unwanted visitors, which had made me put a lot of thoughts on privacy and stuff. And since then I think I've been much less productive despite all the craziness at work.
Today I decided to reopen, changing the subdomain (which is temporary, might change again when I've found a nicer one), still with the same concept, being a place to put myself out there regardless of how good or bad it might be, doesn't really care whether it has any audience or not.
So here I go again.
Today I decided to reopen, changing the subdomain (which is temporary, might change again when I've found a nicer one), still with the same concept, being a place to put myself out there regardless of how good or bad it might be, doesn't really care whether it has any audience or not.
So here I go again.
cinque cento
I never really count how long I've been on this blog. All I know is that I started getting into blogging world on 2002, and specifically on this one on 2008. And this post here is my 500th published one, so I thought I'm going to say something about it. There are two main reasons why I (still) diligently maintain the blog. First is quoted from Sylvia Plath who said it right:
So I guess I just have to continue doing what I'm doing :)
"I must get back into the world of my creative mind: otherwise, I die. I must be lean and write and make worlds beside this to live in."I'm not a photographer, I'm not a writer, I'm not a painter, whatsoever, but I need to take photographs, writings, drawings, whatsoever, to keep producing something out of myself, out of my hand, creating a world that is somehow parallel to the "real" world, "real" job, that I'm living in. Second reason is quoted from David Foster Wallace about why writers write:
"It becomes a weird way to countenance yourself and to tell the truth instead of being a way to escape yourself or present yourself in a way you figure you will be maximally likable."There were times when I only focused on posting visual things on the blog because I wasn't really into writing and I myself didn't like to read long writings on blog, but only later I found it one of the way to express my perspective on things and how I actually am as a person, and how fascinating the joints of words could create a wonderful visual on reader's mind.
So I guess I just have to continue doing what I'm doing :)
where have all the memories gone?
62 million light-years away in the constellation Corvus, 2 galaxies collide into each other to form the Antennae galaxies, one of the most spectacular galactic mergers.
The colliding galaxies have nearly engulfed one another since they first began to unite around 100 million years ago, triggering an intense period of star formation. -when galaxies collide
Now when I come to think of it, every single thing felt so temporary. It comes and it goes. It happens and it ends. While the future is yet to come, the past has already ended. No matter how hard you try to grasp and to hold on to memories, it all vaporized.
The colliding galaxies have nearly engulfed one another since they first began to unite around 100 million years ago, triggering an intense period of star formation. -when galaxies collide
Now when I come to think of it, every single thing felt so temporary. It comes and it goes. It happens and it ends. While the future is yet to come, the past has already ended. No matter how hard you try to grasp and to hold on to memories, it all vaporized.
You can work hard and plan for the future but you never know what's gonna happen. You can try to look back at the past but you're unsure whether it really happened or it's merely just a fantasy.
added later:
I need to put here the link from comment, a passage by Olafur Arnalds, it represents what I really wanted to say:
"Memories. Memories blur into dreams. Light brings them to truth. Everything unforgiving. everything becoming hallow. Loneliness consumes and there is no way back. The places you played, the places you called home, the people you thought you loved, all of them, reduced to a memory of another life. A life you never lived. All the yesterdays that can't form a tomorrow, all the tomorrows that never came from yesterday. A new beginning because forever is never forever."
social jet lag
Social jet lag is "the discrepancy between what our body clock wants us to do and what our social clock wants us to do."
I am so suffering from a chronic one.
postcard from berlin #2
It was a surprise when this came to my office three days ago. She didn't tell me about it so I wasn't expecting anything. It has made me smile all day at the office, plus my colleagues were making fun of me thinking that it was from a guy. BUT at the same time it has made me feel soooo bad. Sorry for being not "romantic". Haha. [insert stupid sighing emoticon here].
And what surprised me more is that it has been more than a year since the first postcard! Time does fly a bit too fast, I don't even realize it has been that long. Haha. See? No wonder things has changed. Or developed. Haha. *too many Haha in this post, okay I'm done*
sweetheart
One of the joyous thing riding a train when I was living in Singapore is that you can spot cute babies easily anytime. Kinda miss that. Cute babies are irresistible.
This is little baby S, her mom's Japanese, and she has a weird name, funnily similar to mine. It was on one high end private residence in town, she was supposed to have a sunbath that morning, but it was too windy to go out so she just cutely cuddled on the sofa with her runny nose. Too adorable.
out of me
So it's finally up again!
There has been a debate on whether we, human being, live to create, as if it's one of the basic need, like we need to keep producing something out of our brain. I once heard a joke that says, "having children is sort of like achieving (creating!) something without having any talent." Haha, no offense to anyone, just a joke. But anyway, I think the theory applied to me. I need to keep getting things out from my brain or my hands cause it always creates some sort of joy every time I do. Which is also why I've been maintaining this blog for years, being not really care whether anyone else actually read it. And same thing for this website (well, kind of). It's not about how good it may look to other people, but more like putting up there something that comes out of me. So, yeah, that's pretty much it.
ps. it's actually linked on the side bar, the word memories, curios?, and others are actually clickable, in case they're unnoticed. haha. they slightly change if you hover actually. slightly.
the incredible jukebox
A must try! At first I was interested at the graphic which is so cool, only to found out later that it is actually an interactive human beat-box you can play with! Super awesome. Kudos to the the three creators. Again, this is awesome.
charlotte gainsbourg
This is a girl crush post. Haha. Girl crush usually could mean three things, first, it feels like I would date her if I were a guy, second, I found some similarity with myself, or third, there are great aspects of her that are so adorable.
Charlotte Gainsbourg, an actress, a singer/songwriter. I love how she always looks effortless in everything, in how she looks and how she carries herself in public. The kind of woman who can pull off jeans and casual shirt (and cigarettes!). And you could spot her wearing such natural and less make up even to a festival like Cannes. You can see her chewing gum during interview with the paparazzi. Google her images, even with SafeSearch off you'll find more beauty and less glamour. I love how independent and carefree she looks yet you can still sense a fragility out of her.
What even scores her more is that she's a musician and her stuff is inspiring. I even feel like maybe if I were a musician I would wrote something like her album, 5:55. Stuff that is not that easy for everyone to appreciate but inspiring for those who understand.
ps. yes, it's her on Science of Sleep, although I don't think I'd ever watch her hit movie, Antichrist.
postcard from berlin
I was so excited when a friend in Germany said she's sending me a postcard until it's finally arrived! Well I never know her personally and I don't know how she first came across my blog, for thing like this you just gotta thank the internet, huh? But these days receiving a postal snail mail with a personal handwriting is something you have to give more appreciation, isn't it? And you know what fascinates me most? Those stamps! I don't know when was the last time I actually saw one but it kinda makes me wishing I had collected stamps.
The postcard is a polaroid photograph, Untitled (Headstand), from 1973 by Robert Mapplethorpe she bought at this exhibition.
Danke schön!
it's in the blood
I don't usually take this kind of superstitious belief, you know things like astrology and stuff, until recently I came across this blood type things, which originated from the Japanese, and somehow I can relate myself and my friends to most of this characterization. Of course not all of them, but mostly.
So, I am proud to present myself, as an AB, the rarest of all blood type (oh yeah this is boast-able haha).
It might be boring to read all this characterization in writings, thankfully a korean made this comics to make it more interesting. Couldn't find the original source, but I found the images here. Some which I think is interesting:
* Looking at their personalities from the inside:
* The reaction on facing crisis:
* If the internal world of every blood type is represented as a house: 
And some others: (this is addictive somehow)
Gossip and talking about others, hanging a painting, degree of patience, studying, the purpose of life, different kind of spaces they'd occupy, playing games, reading a blood type analyst book. And this one I can clearly picture in my head of me and my friends on our driving road trip, my O friend would impatiently ask to drive faster, my B friend would singing along to songs, my A friend would worry sitting too close to window, and me would sit at the back seat sleeping or busy staring at something by the window. Hahaha.
Somehow it works better on female, since most of male I know is O anyway. Anyhow it's just for fun. But somehow relieving, at least I have some explanation on how weird I was and I am, and why I rarely find someone with similar habits.
ps. click on the image to view larger