"Nothing in life will call upon us to be more courageous than facing the fact that it ends. But on the other side of heartbreak is wisdom." - from wish i was here
i guess the bright side of every heartbreak is always that you learn again to appreciate yourself more, and learn to love yourself more than you love anyone else. to learn again to tell yourself that you are good enough. which, for me is always a rather hard task, being brought up as a person with a very low self esteem. it takes effort.
one of the records that i keep going back to for that effort these days is insides by the mighty jon hopkins. i remember one day it was late at night in milan and i was in a car with a date driving and we were talking about music from electronic to classical music and we agreed that the best kind of music is the one that takes you somewhere else. and that good music is more than just listening to sounds but about an experience. then he mentioned about trying to create electronic music that is well structured and not just random samplings making cool sounds.
insides to me is a perfect example of a well structured one, like you need to listen to it as a whole album, track by track, and not merely just one or two songs. this writer from sputnik music pretty much sums it all up in a very beautiful writing. i think it's equally beautiful that you're able to write about such good music in such good writing describing everything exactly like how you perceived it. i'm always fascinated with good choices of words and writing. like the way he describes one song as "toying with a false sense of security", now that is a talent i wish i have.
in my much younger years i used to listen to hardcore music to find refuge from the harsh reality of life that i was living. but these days i identify myself with these kind of intellectually well structured music. it has a strong disturbing even claustrophobic sense that somehow stimulates your self confidence but it also has the melancholic sides of the classical melody that reminds you of the softer part of yourself.
so in the effort of finding the wisdom and the constant will of finding my own ground, i will keep in my mind what a friend told me a couple of days ago while pointing his finger right at my face, "you know how much i look up to you. and you have to always remind yourself that you worth more than you think you do."
